Artsy craftsy things

I've had a sudden burst of creative energy, and have started a list of projects I would like to do. Mostly small things -- floral arrangements and decor makeovers.

First up is this vase. Mom had it in her office for years, and gave it to me when she retired. I like the shape of it, but the design is not my style.

Too dark, too...birdy.

So Anya and I primed it, and I am currently deciding what color to paint it. Initially I was thinking champagne gold, but that's awfully...neutral. I have the tendency to overneutral.

I feel like I should do something a little more bold -- copper, maybe, or slate blue. (Copper I have; slate blue I will have to buy.) It all depends on where I am going to put the finished product. Which I should have decided before we slathered it all up with primer, I know. I have some ideas, but nothing definite.

Ready when we are.

Anyway. I now have a blank slate for painting, that didn't cost me a dime because the vase was given to me and the primer was left over from another project. (The priming also occupied Anya for an hour on a cold, blustery day, which is worth way more than the cost of a brand-new vase.)

Next up: A couple of photo collages made from frames I already have. (Hoarding does occasionally have its uses.) I think we'll prime them tonight, while I'm deciding on the color of the vase.

What I want (the 2016 edition)

I want to get back in shape. In some ways, I am already in shape -- at the very least, I can lift and carry way more than I ever could. And thanks to the pounds I lost to the stomach flu, I can see that yes, there are still abs in there under the loose skin. But there are refinements to be made, certainly. Also, much of what I need to accomplish is maintenance; if I do not exercise regularly, my old injuries flare up. So I need to make time for yoga, for planks, for walks. If I can get my allergies under control, I may even give running another shot.

I want to get my allergies under control. Resume immunotherapy, keep the house cleaner, buy a dehumidifier. I am tired of my itchy eyes and runny nose, tired of feeling bad so much of the time.

I want to feel better. I want to get enough sleep and eat better food and meditate. I don't like the cranky person I have become of late. I want to be a better me.

Because I want to do more. So much of my daily activity is...mundane. Not the kind of stuff I'm going to lay on my deathbed and think, "My gosh, I am so glad I kept my kitchen floor so clean all those years!" I want to write more. Practice graphic design more -- I've been doing some design for my day job and finding I have really, really missed it. I've also been designing jewelry in my head; I'd like to make at least some of it. 

There are other things on my 2016 list. Things like scaling back my debt. But while it is a high priority and I am especially motivated, it's not an interesting goal. Not to me, anyway. It's about hard work and discipline and curbing thoughtless spending. So don't expect blog entries on it, because while it needs to get done, it doesn't exactly melt my butter.

Now, the things I can do once my debt is under control...that is a different story. But those are off on the horizon. I'm trying to rein myself in on the long-term focus. I don't want to get so caught up in 5 years from now that I miss today.

Update: Cleaning products

This post is an update of my Clean all the things post.

First off, I must admit that I have gone to the bleach side. As I've mentioned before, the fumes from most commercial cleaning products set off my allergies. (I do keep Lysol wipes on hand for poop and pee accidents, because we are going to have those for a while.) After this bout of misery, however, I am willing to spare a little shelf space for some Chlorox spray. Even if it means R has to clean the bathrooms, I think it best that we not leave such things to chance. At least until the kids are past the stomach bug years.

Still, that does not mean that I have given up on my homemade cleaners. I have simply added to my arsenal. I have, however, tweaked a few things in the intervening months, hence the update.

Personal Care
Hand soap
My recipe is the same, but I'm experimenting with making smaller batches; the amount my bottles make starts to smell rancid before we use it up. So I gave the store-bought stuff another try -- no go. I have to water it down so much (the perfumes are so strong!) that I wonder how effective it is, and even then it dries my hands out. Especially after a hand-washing fest like the Great Stomach Plague inspired. Once I perfect my ratios, I will post an updated recipe.

Body wash
I have altered this recipe a bit.

In a small bowl (I use a 4-cup liquid measuring cup, to make it easier to pour into my pump bottle), combine:
3/4 cup filtered water
1 tablespoon glycerin
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
3/4 cup castile soap

Stir. Then stir some more. Stir until your arm gets tingly. This stuff takes a bit to come together. If the last lumps of xanthan gum just refuse to incorporate, you can pour the mixture into your pump bottle, put the lid on, and shake vigorously. But don't worry if you have a few small lumps left over; they will dissolve on their own, with no help from you.

The xanthan gum thickens the mixture nicely, and the extra castile soap helps it be more effective at removing some sunscreens (just not the high SPF ones -- anything over, say SPF 40). Just a little xanthan gum is all you need; do not, as I did the first time out, toss in a rounded tablespoon and think you're going to get that stuff mixed in. Not happening.

The soap is still quite drying, though, so it doesn't work so well for me in the winter months. I'm researching more moisturizing recipes, and in the meantime rejoicing that I finally found a store-bought soap that doesn't kill my sinuses or break me out. (Dove Winter Care, if you're interested. Which says it will be available for a limited time only. Just my luck.)

Household Cleaners
Toilet cleaner
I am sad to concede defeat on the toilet cleaner. If I had time to clean my toilets once a week or more, this stuff would rock. As it stands, though, I am lucky to get to it every other week, and that's just too infrequently for a cleaner this mild. I did find, however, that Lysol makes a nonbleach-based cleaner (using hydrogen peroxide) that doesn't make me wheeze. I can also use Chlorox Green Works. (Though as I mentioned before, for the time being it's gonna be all bleach, all the time. At least until everyone stays well for a month.)

Dishwasher soap
Still using this stuff. I have discovered in the interim that my dishwasher sucks. So the lack of sparkliness is not necessarily the fault of my dishwasher soap. However, I have started doubling up on it, and using 4 T instead of 2 T per load. Still cheaper than store-bought.

Laundry soap
The laundry soap is still working well for us. In fact, I recently broke down and bought some "free and clear" laundry detergent, figuring that my previous reaction to it was probably pregnancy-related and I should give it another shot. Turns out Kai is allergic to it, too. (We find this out after I washed most of his clothes in it, naturally.) So it's back to the homemade stuff.

With winter here, our lack of fabric softener is once again becoming an issue. After doing some research, I tried the simplest solution ever: I line dry the items especially prone to static. (I installed a tension rod above the doorway in my laundry room for this purpose, since I can't very well dry stuff outside. It's extremely handy, and is also tucked away out of sight when not in use.) Some of my most staticky sweaters are still a little shock-inducing after line drying, but nowhere near as much as they'd be if I dried them in the dryer. Plus, line-drying is a sure-fire method to keep soft fleece items as silky as the day you bought them. (See, there are nuggets of wisdom on Pinterest!)

My quest for the perfect homemade household cleaners continues; as I improve my recipes, I will post updates here.

Be the water

So this past week has had me thinking a lot about the coming year. I'm finding that I need to make some changes in order to "be the water," so to speak. Some of it sounds very Serenity Prayer, but there's a lot of wisdom in those lines.

I need to accept that certain people are going to treat me a certain way. Always have, always will. It may not be fair, but there is no changing it. Nor I cannot cut them out of my life, so I need to adapt how I react to the treatment instead of stewing over it and then getting all bent out of shape over little things. Some days it feels like everyone is against me. This is not so. (At the very least, Baby Kai always has my back.)

I need to accept that my family's priorities are not necessarily my priorities, and do what I can to compromise rather than becoming Crazy Germaphobe Harpy Mommy. This may mean I do more work than they do. But it really is a priority to me to keep the kitchen clean, for instance, so I will just need to make time for it.

(They do need to pick up after themselves a little better, though. I found a string cheese wrapper under the bed, for Pete's sake. And an empty soda bottle behind the recliner. Like I said...compromise.)

I need to accept that my personality is a large part of what makes me so stressed out, and work with that energy rather than against it. I spent so many years wallowing in apathy that it's nice to have so many interests now. But if I let my frustration at my lack of free time rule me, I will go bonkers before the kids start school. I must resist the feeling that I am running out of time. My time is finite, yes, but odds are I have many good years left in me.

I need to take more responsibility for my own calm. Because I'm on the merry-go-round now, and it won't stop for a couple of decades at least. What's going to happen when the kids start school? Driving? Dating? College? How will I handle moving? Getting a new job? I cannot control the stresses that enter my life, but I can control how I handle them. I need to make yoga and meditation a higher priority in the coming year.

I was doing really well spinning my plates, but then I came apart emotionally when they fell due to circumstances beyond my control. I tend to assume that if I want something bad enough, I can just make it so. Sheer grit and determination, while useful, do not guarantee a win. Sometimes my bullheadedness works for me, sometimes not. I need to work on dealing with disappointment when my best efforts fail, and give myself credit for doing all I can regardless of the outcome.

So that's all nice and vague, huh? Thus far, my 2016 credo consists of "All life is precious" and "Be the water." I basically want to be Morgan from TWD, sans all those zombies and personal tragedies. It's a nice goal, but I have no idea how to translate that into a resolution list of any sort. I still have a little time for that, I guess.

At least my house is clean now

Once again, this year is proving that I should not make plans. Even my scaled-back schedule has been demolished. This time by a stomach bug.

Last Sunday (not the one that just passed), Anya vomited much of the day. We thought it was an isolated thing; her doctor even chalked it up to an upper respiratory infection. Nobody else got sick, so we thought the matter was finished.

Thursday night, Kai threw up several times. Friday morning, it was R's turn. I spent Friday cleaning up vomit and diarrhea, and Saturday cleaning the house. Sunday was going to be my second shot at my to-do list, but I woke with stomach cramps at 4 a.m. and spent the day learning what used veggie egg rolls taste like. (Not the worst thing I've ever puked up, but yergh.)

No Zoo Lights. No Build-A-Bear. No mall activities (train, carousel, play area, cookie the size of Anya's head). No shopping. No photo books for presents, because I didn't have time to order them; calendars will have to do for this year. And the Memphis Union Mission gifts are still sitting on my counter, and my recycling bin overflows. I desperately need to dig through the gift pile and find Anya's remaining Advent gifts.

Some of that stuff may happen still. If everyone can get well, I might be able to pull off a few activities between now and Christmas. But some of it just won't come to pass. And I am sad, because I have really been looking forward to the activities this holiday season.

But my house is clean. (Except the bathrooms; they need cleaning again. :/) Really clean -- not just tidy. So there is that.

Eat days

This year marks a momentous occasion: I am taking over part of the Thanksgiving preparations.

Not just kicking in a casserole or lending the use of my oven. In addition to baking my homemade mac and cheese, I am making the dressing and the pumpkin pie.

The pumpkin pie, especially, feels sacred. Like it's an honor to be allowed to prepare such a dish. I feel like a kid who gets to sit at the grown-ups table at last.

Part of this new order is just shifting our thinking. Though I am not just an adult but a mommy (and middle aged, for pete's sake), my parents still think of me as a kid. (And always will...I have no illusions about that.) So I have to remind them occasionally that I've been feeding and housing myself, paying taxes and keeping the lights on, for 20 years now. And occasionally, I have to say things like, "I'm making part of Thanksgiving dinner this year." Because they're not going to ask me to do that...I'm just a kid.

Mom's RA is better this week, but she has her ups and downs. She's in a bad flare lately, and winding down on her latest prednisone pack. Which means she never knows from one day to the next if she will be able to dress herself. I figure asking her to cube a loaf of bread and roll out a pie crust is a bit much, considering.

Also, I've come to realize that Mom doesn't really like to cook. She likes traditions, and food is one of those. But the actual act of cooking is not one of her favorites. I, on the other hand, love to cook. (It's washing the dishes I'm not crazy about.) So it just makes sense that I take some of the load.

When Anya was younger, she told Mimi that holidays are "eat days." Nobody goes to work; everyone goes to Mimi's house to eat. Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the eating season. Hopefully I (and my oven!) are up to the task.

Celebrating the seasons

I find myself working to establish seasonal family traditions. The Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's trifecta is pretty well set, though I have tweaked it over Anya's lifetime. I'd started out trying to implement a tradition I had with my parents (giving a small gift for each of the 11 days preceding Christmas*), but it's evolved into a longer time range with smaller presents thanks to the advent calendar I made last year. And there are other activities, which do not involve gifts. We do Zoo Lights. Starry Nights. We visit Santa. We bake cookies. We eat Thanksgiving dinner with both families. We decorate the tree the day after Thanksgiving, and take it down around Little Christmas, January 6. I take a picture of Anya (new this year: Anya and Kai) in front of the tree in a Christmas outfit for our Christmas cards. Actually, I take about 50 pictures, and never quite get the one I want -- though I always get one that captures her personality perfectly.

I have personal celebrations, too. A quiet reflection on the year that starts with 10Q in the fall and culminates in my revising my goal list and recapping my year on PopClogs. I try to start the year in the manner in which I intend to continue -- full of energy and hope and good intentions. It usually falls apart by March, but I mean well.

I love these traditions. They pull me out of my head, out of my to-do list, out of my present worries and future plans. They make me focus on what's in front of me: A loving partner, amazing kids, and an imperfect but pretty awesome life. I need that.

That's just one season, though. Just a month, really. I need that sort of pause all year round. So I have been slowly testing other seasonal celebrations. For fall, I've made the following list:

• Go to a farmer's market
• Bake mini apple pies
• Walk in the park and collect fall leaves
• Visit a corn maze
• Go to Zoo Boo
• Pick out pumpkins
• Carve/decorate pumpkins
• Bake mini pumpkin pies
• Make soup
• Do a leaf-based art project
• Make an autumn centerpiece for the kitchen table

I've been working on this for a month and a half now, and it's really helped me savor the season. Which is nice, because it's my favorite season -- I would really hate to miss it.

Gets me to thinking, though. I should make lists like this for the other seasons. Things that I want to be sure to do and make and experience. Things I want to share with my family. The highlights reel. Because time often gets away from me, and you never know when your last chance to do something will be.


*A tradition I started as a child, I must confess, in order to get a few presents early. It was a lot of fun, though. And yes, I gave presents back.

Spinning plates

I am currently trying to accumulate good habits. Not all at once, but a few at a time. I think of them as my spinning plates.

First, after having Kai, I had to incorporate New Baby into my routine. If you've ever had a new baby, you know that everything from eating to bathing to using the restroom is challenging. Especially if you have a brand-new abdominal incision to contend with. Incorporating New Kai was far easier than incorporating New Anya, mostly because with New Kai I got plenty of sleep. But it was still a process.

Once I had regular meals, showers, and bathroom breaks under my belt, I worked on keeping normal hours. With Anya, I was tossed unceremoniously back into the land of the living when my maternity leave ended. I was adrift in a sea of dirty laundry and dirty bottles, sleep deprived and overcaffeinated, armed with nothing but an empty fridge and an expression of exhausted bewilderment. With Kai, I wanted to do better. So I worked at getting up at the same time each day, eliminating naps, and then pushing back my wake time until it was where I needed it to be for work.

Then I started work. It was a bit of a challenge at first, mostly because Kai didn't understand what was going on. Working from home made it infinitely easier, because I was right down the hall. I tried, and pretty much failed, to pump milk and bottle feed him during the day. (He is not a fan of the bottle, and thinks the pump is stealing his food.) So I learned to work while breastfeeding.

After I got that down, I worked in eating. Then cooking. Then cooking regularly. Menu planning (which I am still working on). House cleaning (ditto). R got a job, and we worked around his schedule (which, happily, balances mine so that we don't need much in the way of daycare). I'm even working in a little freelancing.

Regular exercise is next on the list. I've made working out on the weekends a habit. Now I'd like to add daily yoga and meditation. To accomplish this, I am getting up an hour and a half early Monday through Friday. I've only been at it three days, but so far it's working out well. One or both kids usually wakes up before I complete the meditation -- sometimes before I even complete the yoga. But that's okay. It's a work in progress.

I'm willing to take the time to fiddle with the routine to make it stick. I feel so much better about life, the universe, and everything when I have the basics down. And next year, I'd like to start tackling new goals, instead of circling the same maintenance goals all the time.

One small scoot changes everything

The other night, I set Kai in the middle of the living room floor so I could check on the homemade breast milk/banana custard* I was baking for him. When I returned to the living room, he'd scooted four feet and was under the end table. In less than a minute.

The next night, I let him have an extended tummy-time session while his sister and I played Wii Fit. And he finally managed to get up on all fours and crawl a bit. It's still a challenge, but if past milestones are any indication, it's a challenge he will master in a matter of days.

Time to babyproof everything. Again. It'll be even more challenging this time around, as we have Anya's teensy tiny toys to contend with.

And my teensy tiny baby is no longer so teensy. Which means I will no longer have teensies in the house until my kids start bringing them home.

I'm both excited and sad about this new stage. I can't wait to go through the discovery stages with Kai; to me, that's one of the most fun parts of motherhood, watching him experience everything for the first time. But he has been such a joy that I'm sad to see his tiny baby days leave. Especially since he is the last; I'm too old, and too squeamish about having another c-section, to contemplate more children.

I've always been resistant to change, though. So I will try to accept this new stage, and all of the ones to come, a bit more gracefully than I have in the past.

As I was typing this up, my daughter came in, kissed Kai on the head, and grinned. "Hi, Blue Eyes!" she chirped. He beamed back at her. Despite the snags and bumps, they really do love each other. A timely reminder that as these treasured days pass, even better ones are around the corner.

*Yes, I feel all crunchy granola mom just typing that. Even though the only reason I baked it is because I made more milk than he wanted the other day and he refuses to drink from a bottle. The custard was, by the way, a complete failure. More milk soup with banana mashed in it than custard. I have never made custard before, so I don't know what went wrong. Perhaps my milk is not fatty enough? Or the recipe was wrong? More experimentation is needed.

Clean all the things!

I have been trying out several homemade cleaner recipes, for a variety of reasons -- to appease my allergies, save money, eliminate harmful chemicals around my kids, make my home more eco-friendly, and simplify my life. I started with recipes I found on the internet, and have been tweaking them as I go. I give priority to recipes that are fragrance free and suitable for sensitive skin, but they also have to be simple to make -- I don't have an abundance of free time.

Most of my cleaning supplies consist of varying combinations of water, white vinegar, and liquid castile soap. I particularly like the unscented soap from Carolina Castile Soap. Most recipes I have found use scented castile soap and/or essential oils, but I haven't mucked about in scent yet; I want to get my allergies under control first. I know a lot of recipes call for Dr. Bronner's, but I don't care for the scent of hemp. (Yes, I can smell it. I have an annoyingly acute sense of smell.) Carolina Castile's soap is fantastic, and their customer service is awesome -- give them a try! (No, they did not pay me to say that.)

Here are my current formulas, in case you're interested. I will post updates as I perfect my recipes.

Personal Care

Hand soap
This one's easy -- castile soap and water. I have two foaming soap dispensers; I fill to the line with soap, then top off with water.

Done. And cheap! Best of all, it's far gentler on my skin than store-bought hand soap.

Body wash

In a pump bottle, mix:
1 cup filtered water
1 tablespoon glycerin
1/2 cup castile soap

I am still tweaking this one. It's a bit runny, but foams up nicely on a shower poof. Used in combination with a washcloth, it effectively removes makeup. For everyday use as a face and body wash, it works great. But it's not so good at removing sunscreen. I'm going to eventually try some recipes for homemade sunscreen, which hopefully will wash off more easily, but in the meantime I am still looking for ways to boost the effectiveness of this wash on store-bought sunscreen. Perhaps a scrub? I'm working on it.

This recipe can also be used on hair; in fact, the castile soap alone is a good shampoo (though a bit drying). But I get better frizz control with store-bought hair products, so I am sticking with them for now.

Shaving cream
Another easy one: half castile soap, half olive oil. Shake before using.

I store mine in a travel shampoo bottle, and just rub some on damp skin before shaving. The olive oil makes my skin really soft and prevents razor burn (something my sensitive skin is very susceptible to); the castile soap keeps my skin and the tub from getting slick and greasy. (Though it is not a bad idea to wipe the tub after use.)

Household Cleaners

All-purpose cleaner
Fill a spray bottle halfway with vinegar and top off with water. That's it. Seriously.

For the bottle, I like the Smart Tube spray bottles that Clorox Green Works all-purpose cleaner comes in -- they're easy to clean for refilling, and the bottle design uses every last drop of cleaner.

I use this spray on everything but wood and electronics -- including bathroom mirrors. No streaks. Eliminates odors, too...no perfume required.

Try straight vinegar on stubborn dirt and mold. I dumped the contents of a couple of those touch-ups bottles (the smell of the cleaner that came in them turned my stomach, but the containers rock) and filled them with vinegar for that very purpose.

For serious soap scum, try vinegar on a Magic Eraser. You're welcome.

Dusting spray
In a spray bottle, mix:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup vinegar
1 cup water

I have used this to dust, and also to clean leather furniture and wood flooring -- it cleans (fruit cup juice residue, tracked-in/ground-in dirt) as well as dusts. Test in an inconspicuous spot before use.

Toilet cleaner
In an old shampoo bottle, mix:
2 cups water
2 tablespoons borax
1/4 cup castile soap

Shake well before use. Cleans 2-4 seriously funky toilets (my house cleaning schedule is a bit lax of late).

Dishwasher soap
1 1/2 cups washing soda
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup coarse salt
1 jar Lemishine

Mix thoroughly; use 2-4 tablespoons per load.

I have read that putting a couple of tablespoons of vinegar in the rinse compartment helps with the cloudy residue, but I haven't tried it yet.

Laundry soap
2 cups borax
2 cups washing soda
2 cups Oxyclean
2 bars castile soap (I like Kirk's)

Using a grater or food processor (I use a rotary grater I purchased just for this purpose, because I have no desire to eat soap), grate both bars of soap into fine powder. Mix in the other ingredients. Use 1/4 to 1/2 cup per load (regular washers; I don't have an HE washer, so YMMV).

Upholstery cleaner
The only tip I have found that I didn't alter in any way -- see 551 east for instructions. This technique works really well, but be prepared to air out the room (or go outside for a bit) after use, especially if you're cleaning a bunch of spots at once.

I have seen a lot of specialized cleaner recipes (especially on the mother of all time sucks, Pinterest), but these cover most of my daily needs.

I am addicted to Command hooks

Is there anything they can't do?

Actually, yes. They failed at holding this up:

But they rock here: