Again with the hives

A new day, a new rash. This one starts at my hips and spreads downward, mostly ending at my knees but with a few intrepid explorers reaching the tops of my feet.

What the hell am I reacting to?

Last night we had green bean casserole and mac & cheese for dinner. (Yes, I know...terribly nutritious. It was fast and easy, okay?) I paired mine with unsweetened applesauce and Ovaltine. So tomatoes are apparently exonerated, but wheat, dairy, and chocolate are still on the chopping block. And I am left with the decision to either take Benadryl and drag all day or skip it and suffer.

Actually, that's not entirely true. There's a third option. I just took some Allegra. Allegra tends to give me migraines, but you know what? Today that doesn't sound so bad.

I am so very tired of itching. But I am also tired of being tired. I have things to do. Also, it's supposed to be warmer today -- I'd planned on taking the kids to the park.

More than anything, I'm tired of my allergies.

Earlier, Anya pointed to a picture in her coloring book. "Can I have a pet?" she asked, enunciating carefully.

"Oh, honey, you know Mommy is allergic to dogs and cats," I told her. "Their fur makes Mommy sick."

"I know," she said. "But what about a lizard? Do lizards make your nose itch?"

"Well, I don't know. I don't think so. We'll talk about it when you're older." (I'm not really a fan of lizards.)

I can always tell when she really wants something when she takes extra pains in her pronunciation. The only word she didn't say perfectly was "lizard"; it came out more like "lih-ard." Pretty darn close, especially for her. I'm not really a pet person, but when she tries that hard, I wish I could be.

With the way my allergies are going, though, I'm really not willing to take the chance.

I'm sick, but not really

I've felt like crap all week, but haven't gone to the doctor. Mostly because I'm not sure what, exactly, he'd do. Because I'm not really sick; this isn't a virus or anything. It's allergies.

See, here's the thing. When I was in college, I had this kind of crap a lot. I was outside all the time, plus the campus is in the middle of the city, so air pollution was an issue. Also, I chain-smoked, because college. In other words, I was surrounded by allergens constantly. When I say I went through this a lot, I mean I spent pretty much all semester congested and miserable, with a sinus infection and bronchitis and perhaps an infected ear or two. Month after month after month (with summers off, thankfully). For years.

Going to the doctor on campus was free, so I did (duh). Only they really could not help me most of the time. I was either not sick enough (they'd tell me to take Sudafed and get some sleep, which of course did not stop the progression to infection) or too sick I required heavy-duty decongestants and antibiotics they did not have on hand), and had to go to a "real" doctor).

After I got out of school, I mostly went to the minor med, because they were open after work and because my old GP's office kept tossing out my records when I didn't come in for a few months. They, too, would occasionally tell me I was not sick enough for them to help me. So now I have it in my head that I have to be "sick enough" to go to the doctor.

I'm not sure that's the case with my current GP; I think he'd find a way to help me. Except with the breastfeeding, I'm not sure he can help me at the moment. What I need is something to dry up this mucus. But I can't have anything like that right now.

I have drainage, and the sick, achy feeling in my head and chest that comes with a low-level infection, but no clear signs of "hey, I'm sick and require antibiotics." So I'm self-medicating with some Flonase left over from my last illness and sleeping a lot in hopes that this junk will somehow right itself, or at least tip me far enough into Evidently Sick that I can justify taking off work to go to the doctor.

Maybe later today, if I don't feel better, I'll go in just so I don't have to suffer all weekend if there is something to be done.