New year, new shoes

In terms of clothes, I tend to make do. In some respects, I've had no choice; short of having my clothes custom made, I have to deal with ill-fitting clothes, and have since I was a small child. Short torso, long legs, small upper body, squishy tushy...I'm now in my fourth decade of life, and though the "typical" body shape has changed a great deal in that time, at no point was mine it.

There's also the brokeness factor. I've worn cheap shoes my whole adult life because I can afford them. I won't wear uncomfortable shoes, so I have been spared the corns and bunions my peers suffer from, but I have tended to put fashion above function, and quantity above quality.

My ankle has been letting me know my sneakers are worn out. It took a couple of years, but they're finally dying on me. I've been halfheartedly trying on cheaper sneakers (Mom took pity on me and bought my current pair), but nothing is as comfortable -- even in their current broken-down state.

I have walked the tread off my current shoes.

Finally, I decided to replace them with another pair from the same brand. No -- two pairs. One for everyday wear, one just for exercising. They ought to last twice as long that way. And it's not like I require a vast sneaker wardrobe; two pairs is all I need. If they last 4 years, that comes out to $75 a year. Way cheaper than another bout of PT.

I also sprang for a couple pairs of flats. Usually I wear sneaks, but occasionally I want to pretty up a bit. I've been wearing a (quite comfy, really) pair of Target flats, but they don't provide enough support for my ankle. So I upgraded to a pair of Kenneth Cole and a pair of Born. Those two pair should fill all of my dressier shoe needs for...well, years, really -- I've been running on this one pair of Target flats since Anya was born, and they're still in great shape. So in theory, I could wear the new shoes for a decade, even. No way my cheapie flats could last a decade.

Sure, I've saved money. But now that my life has changed, my wardrobe needs have dwindled. And I'm tired of wearing unsupportive shoes. I deserve better.

Now, for clothes, I'm content to rock the cheap stuff for a while. Little kids = stains, and also my weight is still in flux. But once the kids are older and I'm back to normal, I want to start buying better quality stuff. I don't need an entire closet full of clothes for each season; I don't go anywhere, don't chase trends, and tend to wear the same items of clothing week in and week out. I'd rather have fewer, nicer pieces and use layers to transition between seasons. 

Which leads me to my biggest current wardrobe woe: Bras. I am the not-so-proud owner of a ribcage deemed too small to nurse babies, or so the nursing bra market has led me to believe. I recently purchased literally the only three bras I can find that come anywhere close to fitting me. None of them fit me well. In fact, one of them has rubbed sores on my sides. And even the one that is my size is too broad through the shoulders, meaning it digs in and leaves marks on me.

That red mark is the imprint of the cup clasp.

But I haven't found a workable alternative, so I will persevere...and probably wear band-aids a lot. However, when I quit nursing, I am absolutely going to splurge on a collection of bras that actually fit me. Because I have come to realize that ill-fitting bras are as big a damper on one's mood as worn-out shoes. If you are persistently uncomfortable, it affects your entire outlook.

I am tired of bras that chafe, pants that won't stay up (and take my underwear down with them), shoes that provide too little (or too much!) support. I am tired of feeling ill at ease in my own clothes, my own skin. It is worth it to me to find things that fit my body, or pay someone to make them fit.

If everything in my closet actually fit, I would no longer have to weigh myself and/or gauge what sort of "body day" I am having before getting dressed. I could just grab an outfit and put it on. If I simplified the range of outfits I own (like Obama and his suits), I'd have even fewer changes to make. (I can't go full-on uniform, because Anya likes it when I dress pretty, but I could streamline my options a bit.)

I would also love to support small businesses and independent artisans, but that's a whole other journey. For now, I'd be content to not have to tug at my clothes all the time.

Update: Cleaning products

This post is an update of my Clean all the things post.

First off, I must admit that I have gone to the bleach side. As I've mentioned before, the fumes from most commercial cleaning products set off my allergies. (I do keep Lysol wipes on hand for poop and pee accidents, because we are going to have those for a while.) After this bout of misery, however, I am willing to spare a little shelf space for some Chlorox spray. Even if it means R has to clean the bathrooms, I think it best that we not leave such things to chance. At least until the kids are past the stomach bug years.

Still, that does not mean that I have given up on my homemade cleaners. I have simply added to my arsenal. I have, however, tweaked a few things in the intervening months, hence the update.

Personal Care
Hand soap
My recipe is the same, but I'm experimenting with making smaller batches; the amount my bottles make starts to smell rancid before we use it up. So I gave the store-bought stuff another try -- no go. I have to water it down so much (the perfumes are so strong!) that I wonder how effective it is, and even then it dries my hands out. Especially after a hand-washing fest like the Great Stomach Plague inspired. Once I perfect my ratios, I will post an updated recipe.

Body wash
I have altered this recipe a bit.

In a small bowl (I use a 4-cup liquid measuring cup, to make it easier to pour into my pump bottle), combine:
3/4 cup filtered water
1 tablespoon glycerin
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
3/4 cup castile soap

Stir. Then stir some more. Stir until your arm gets tingly. This stuff takes a bit to come together. If the last lumps of xanthan gum just refuse to incorporate, you can pour the mixture into your pump bottle, put the lid on, and shake vigorously. But don't worry if you have a few small lumps left over; they will dissolve on their own, with no help from you.

The xanthan gum thickens the mixture nicely, and the extra castile soap helps it be more effective at removing some sunscreens (just not the high SPF ones -- anything over, say SPF 40). Just a little xanthan gum is all you need; do not, as I did the first time out, toss in a rounded tablespoon and think you're going to get that stuff mixed in. Not happening.

The soap is still quite drying, though, so it doesn't work so well for me in the winter months. I'm researching more moisturizing recipes, and in the meantime rejoicing that I finally found a store-bought soap that doesn't kill my sinuses or break me out. (Dove Winter Care, if you're interested. Which says it will be available for a limited time only. Just my luck.)

Household Cleaners
Toilet cleaner
I am sad to concede defeat on the toilet cleaner. If I had time to clean my toilets once a week or more, this stuff would rock. As it stands, though, I am lucky to get to it every other week, and that's just too infrequently for a cleaner this mild. I did find, however, that Lysol makes a nonbleach-based cleaner (using hydrogen peroxide) that doesn't make me wheeze. I can also use Chlorox Green Works. (Though as I mentioned before, for the time being it's gonna be all bleach, all the time. At least until everyone stays well for a month.)

Dishwasher soap
Still using this stuff. I have discovered in the interim that my dishwasher sucks. So the lack of sparkliness is not necessarily the fault of my dishwasher soap. However, I have started doubling up on it, and using 4 T instead of 2 T per load. Still cheaper than store-bought.

Laundry soap
The laundry soap is still working well for us. In fact, I recently broke down and bought some "free and clear" laundry detergent, figuring that my previous reaction to it was probably pregnancy-related and I should give it another shot. Turns out Kai is allergic to it, too. (We find this out after I washed most of his clothes in it, naturally.) So it's back to the homemade stuff.

With winter here, our lack of fabric softener is once again becoming an issue. After doing some research, I tried the simplest solution ever: I line dry the items especially prone to static. (I installed a tension rod above the doorway in my laundry room for this purpose, since I can't very well dry stuff outside. It's extremely handy, and is also tucked away out of sight when not in use.) Some of my most staticky sweaters are still a little shock-inducing after line drying, but nowhere near as much as they'd be if I dried them in the dryer. Plus, line-drying is a sure-fire method to keep soft fleece items as silky as the day you bought them. (See, there are nuggets of wisdom on Pinterest!)

My quest for the perfect homemade household cleaners continues; as I improve my recipes, I will post updates here.

Be the water

So this past week has had me thinking a lot about the coming year. I'm finding that I need to make some changes in order to "be the water," so to speak. Some of it sounds very Serenity Prayer, but there's a lot of wisdom in those lines.

I need to accept that certain people are going to treat me a certain way. Always have, always will. It may not be fair, but there is no changing it. Nor I cannot cut them out of my life, so I need to adapt how I react to the treatment instead of stewing over it and then getting all bent out of shape over little things. Some days it feels like everyone is against me. This is not so. (At the very least, Baby Kai always has my back.)

I need to accept that my family's priorities are not necessarily my priorities, and do what I can to compromise rather than becoming Crazy Germaphobe Harpy Mommy. This may mean I do more work than they do. But it really is a priority to me to keep the kitchen clean, for instance, so I will just need to make time for it.

(They do need to pick up after themselves a little better, though. I found a string cheese wrapper under the bed, for Pete's sake. And an empty soda bottle behind the recliner. Like I said...compromise.)

I need to accept that my personality is a large part of what makes me so stressed out, and work with that energy rather than against it. I spent so many years wallowing in apathy that it's nice to have so many interests now. But if I let my frustration at my lack of free time rule me, I will go bonkers before the kids start school. I must resist the feeling that I am running out of time. My time is finite, yes, but odds are I have many good years left in me.

I need to take more responsibility for my own calm. Because I'm on the merry-go-round now, and it won't stop for a couple of decades at least. What's going to happen when the kids start school? Driving? Dating? College? How will I handle moving? Getting a new job? I cannot control the stresses that enter my life, but I can control how I handle them. I need to make yoga and meditation a higher priority in the coming year.

I was doing really well spinning my plates, but then I came apart emotionally when they fell due to circumstances beyond my control. I tend to assume that if I want something bad enough, I can just make it so. Sheer grit and determination, while useful, do not guarantee a win. Sometimes my bullheadedness works for me, sometimes not. I need to work on dealing with disappointment when my best efforts fail, and give myself credit for doing all I can regardless of the outcome.

So that's all nice and vague, huh? Thus far, my 2016 credo consists of "All life is precious" and "Be the water." I basically want to be Morgan from TWD, sans all those zombies and personal tragedies. It's a nice goal, but I have no idea how to translate that into a resolution list of any sort. I still have a little time for that, I guess.

Clean all the things!

I have been trying out several homemade cleaner recipes, for a variety of reasons -- to appease my allergies, save money, eliminate harmful chemicals around my kids, make my home more eco-friendly, and simplify my life. I started with recipes I found on the internet, and have been tweaking them as I go. I give priority to recipes that are fragrance free and suitable for sensitive skin, but they also have to be simple to make -- I don't have an abundance of free time.

Most of my cleaning supplies consist of varying combinations of water, white vinegar, and liquid castile soap. I particularly like the unscented soap from Carolina Castile Soap. Most recipes I have found use scented castile soap and/or essential oils, but I haven't mucked about in scent yet; I want to get my allergies under control first. I know a lot of recipes call for Dr. Bronner's, but I don't care for the scent of hemp. (Yes, I can smell it. I have an annoyingly acute sense of smell.) Carolina Castile's soap is fantastic, and their customer service is awesome -- give them a try! (No, they did not pay me to say that.)

Here are my current formulas, in case you're interested. I will post updates as I perfect my recipes.

Personal Care

Hand soap
This one's easy -- castile soap and water. I have two foaming soap dispensers; I fill to the line with soap, then top off with water.

Done. And cheap! Best of all, it's far gentler on my skin than store-bought hand soap.

Body wash

In a pump bottle, mix:
1 cup filtered water
1 tablespoon glycerin
1/2 cup castile soap

I am still tweaking this one. It's a bit runny, but foams up nicely on a shower poof. Used in combination with a washcloth, it effectively removes makeup. For everyday use as a face and body wash, it works great. But it's not so good at removing sunscreen. I'm going to eventually try some recipes for homemade sunscreen, which hopefully will wash off more easily, but in the meantime I am still looking for ways to boost the effectiveness of this wash on store-bought sunscreen. Perhaps a scrub? I'm working on it.

This recipe can also be used on hair; in fact, the castile soap alone is a good shampoo (though a bit drying). But I get better frizz control with store-bought hair products, so I am sticking with them for now.

Shaving cream
Another easy one: half castile soap, half olive oil. Shake before using.

I store mine in a travel shampoo bottle, and just rub some on damp skin before shaving. The olive oil makes my skin really soft and prevents razor burn (something my sensitive skin is very susceptible to); the castile soap keeps my skin and the tub from getting slick and greasy. (Though it is not a bad idea to wipe the tub after use.)

Household Cleaners

All-purpose cleaner
Fill a spray bottle halfway with vinegar and top off with water. That's it. Seriously.

For the bottle, I like the Smart Tube spray bottles that Clorox Green Works all-purpose cleaner comes in -- they're easy to clean for refilling, and the bottle design uses every last drop of cleaner.

I use this spray on everything but wood and electronics -- including bathroom mirrors. No streaks. Eliminates odors, too...no perfume required.

Try straight vinegar on stubborn dirt and mold. I dumped the contents of a couple of those touch-ups bottles (the smell of the cleaner that came in them turned my stomach, but the containers rock) and filled them with vinegar for that very purpose.

For serious soap scum, try vinegar on a Magic Eraser. You're welcome.

Dusting spray
In a spray bottle, mix:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup vinegar
1 cup water

I have used this to dust, and also to clean leather furniture and wood flooring -- it cleans (fruit cup juice residue, tracked-in/ground-in dirt) as well as dusts. Test in an inconspicuous spot before use.

Toilet cleaner
In an old shampoo bottle, mix:
2 cups water
2 tablespoons borax
1/4 cup castile soap

Shake well before use. Cleans 2-4 seriously funky toilets (my house cleaning schedule is a bit lax of late).

Dishwasher soap
1 1/2 cups washing soda
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup coarse salt
1 jar Lemishine

Mix thoroughly; use 2-4 tablespoons per load.

I have read that putting a couple of tablespoons of vinegar in the rinse compartment helps with the cloudy residue, but I haven't tried it yet.

Laundry soap
2 cups borax
2 cups washing soda
2 cups Oxyclean
2 bars castile soap (I like Kirk's)

Using a grater or food processor (I use a rotary grater I purchased just for this purpose, because I have no desire to eat soap), grate both bars of soap into fine powder. Mix in the other ingredients. Use 1/4 to 1/2 cup per load (regular washers; I don't have an HE washer, so YMMV).

Upholstery cleaner
The only tip I have found that I didn't alter in any way -- see 551 east for instructions. This technique works really well, but be prepared to air out the room (or go outside for a bit) after use, especially if you're cleaning a bunch of spots at once.

I have seen a lot of specialized cleaner recipes (especially on the mother of all time sucks, Pinterest), but these cover most of my daily needs.